A new appreciation for Pandora Radio. I've been wanting to listen to a bigger selection of contemporary Christian music, and the randomness Pandora offers is exactly what I need to fill that want. The idea of using Pandora was random; it simply hit me. I cannot explain with a logical reason how the idea came into my head, as is with many of my ideas. Anyway, it seemed that I had forgotten the password to the big blue account. So I went through the process to obtain a new password, and soon gained access to the music genome project. Right after I had logged in, the one and only radio station I had created in my Pandora account from years back began to play a T.I. song. The radio station was named "Black Bling" because of its rap and hip-hop characteristics, and how the artists who made such music for a living were Black. Listening to the song (to which I had forgotten the name to for I have never heard the song in my life), I am reminded of the person I was before coming to Christ...
Perhaps I was "just" another high school student, with his circle of friends, his enjoyment for mainstream beats, his typical moments of lusting, his indulgence in games, and his idea that life was, pretty much, "go to school, get laid, get a degree, work a job, die in a box." Then I remembered more. I remembered the raising of voices, the feelings of insignificance, the loss of ambition, the lack of care, the thoughts of an end. The stealing, the lusting, the sneering, the hating. And then there was the relocating. Circles of "friends" I "lost." Circles of "friends" I "found."
I am, however, very glad that life played out as it did. For without my past, I may never understand the nails, the crown of spikes (or whatever it was), the blood, the wooden cross.
For it is by the death that I have been wholly justified. Jesus took my punishment and made me clean with his death, his blood. However, what does that statement REALLY mean?
My sins deemed me much worthy for the full wrath of God. But God, instead of unleashing that wrath on me, He unleashed it on Jesus, the one who knew no sin. He unleashed it on Jesus so that I may not have to experience it. And Jesus knew he would have to take such wrath. The pain of sorrow of KNOWING such a fate was tremendous...

"And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground."
-Luke 22:44

But Jesus knew it was God's will that he were to be on that cross, to take the wrath meant for men and their sin. Out of love for me, Jesus took the wrath. Jesus could have removed himself from the fate of the cross many times, but he chose not to. Jesus chose to be crucified because he knew his death was necessary to those both he and He loved, the men and women who mocked him, telling him to save himself from suffering and humiliation that is crucifixion (Luke 23:35-39).
After a criminal is condemned, he takes his punishment, and then he is free to live in public as if he had done nothing wrong. For me, I believe that I am condemned to hell because of my sin, but Jesus took crucifixion so I may be free to live as one who had done nothing to deserve punishment. I did not do anything on my own to deserve such a pardon, but God, through his grace to forgive me, moved the punishment to Jesus so I may live freely.

I finished Living the Cross Centered Life by C.J. Mahaney. Mahaney helped clear out some questions on legalism, the actions of Jesus and the implications of those actions, how to live for the right reasons, and most importantly, how the cross, the death and resurrection, is the central... thing of my sanctification. This book feels like an intellectual approach to why the cross is so important in a Christian life, how focusing on the cross, the death and resurrection, changes life itself, and gives suggestions as to how I may begin letting the cross, along with the Word, saturate prayer, serving, etc.
I also feel as though I should read, before well-known titles such as Mere Christianity and The Reason For God (which seems to be constantly advertised by BASICs), I Kissed Dating Goodbye and Boy Meets Girl. Both books tackle the issue of dating and relationships in a Christian life, and right now, that is the issue I need to deal with. I hope I am not saying that I value my books more than those well-known titles, I am saying I feel I need to, first and foremost, tackle issues in my life that are shrouding my eyes from seeing the glory of God before I dig deeper into the glory of God (though the dating books are done by the glory of God to begin with, so I will be seeing the glory of God nonetheless). Anyway, that's my hope now.

I also feel a need to write down my past. Write down my sins. And write down how God saved me. A long, truthful testimony.