Balance

How do I balance 14 units of engineering classes on things I've never and takes a copious amount of time to learn, a job that will give me 250 dollars a month, a manageable social life, 7 hours of sleep each night, and a strong involvement in my regular fellowships?

God, what do I do? I don't want to diminish the last bit at all, but I don't want to diminish any of the other bits too. I guess social life can go away, but I can't avoid to be unreachable. Here, the thing with lease priority is social life. So I guess I'll try to make that go away, and get a job that can get me 250 a month for gas. And then mom will talk endlessly about how I shouldn't do this because I don't need to, and move on to talk about other things regarding my dad.
There are people in worse situations than I am. I still have a roof food clean water.

Hello SJSU

Transfer had been on my mind for the last three years. Now that I have transferred to my safe school (since to my grave disappointment none of the UC's I applied to accepted me), San Jose State University, I feel as though I have failed some hidden expectations. I still remember, however, that one Sunday lunch at the local pho restaurant with my mom. While eating, she commented that she was okay with SJSU, since its rather renowned for its engineering programs at the national city university level, and that as long as I was healthy and am able to support myself. The comment came as a surprise since we were simply eating silently as we usually would.

I've had a full two days of school now. The classes began lecturing to cover the first and/or second chapters of the textbook. I am still recovering from the summer mindset since I had only arrived home about a week ago from Hong Kong. I've misplaced many things and I think my mind is one of them. I am always tired, my nose had been stuffed since the day I arrived, I feel incredibly rushed with buying textbooks, and the overbearing feeling of having to play catch up if I don't keep up in my classes is stressful. I cannot sleep tonight, and I come here to write for venting.

Last night, or I suppose the same night (though the sun is beginning to come up now), I attended a SJSU Christian club party, where most of the Christian club members gather to have a sort of a party with root beer rather than real beer as the main beverage. There was free hot dogs, root beer, music, and information. I visited the information tables of every club and received flyers from each club. The representatives told me of coming events and there were so many I don't even remember any of them. There were many flyers. There was also a lot of information. I met a few people, mainly by visiting the tables since I didn't socialize with the crowd itself. There was Sarah, Julia, Melony/Melonie whatever, Erica, Marisa, and two Nicks. I've never seen them before and I doubt I'll see them again since my day mainly involves being stuck in the Engineering building, and none of them are engineers. I talked to Melonie for perhaps half an hour, probably more. She was very nice. She seemed beautiful inside. I want to see her again.

Anyway, I wanted to see my friends some more before school started. Now that it has started, I am preoccupied with keeping up with classes, joining a fellowship, meeting people, finding friends, and my own church. I will be coordinating the upcoming all church wide fall picnic. That task will be interesting. I've never coordinated an event for the whole church before. I've never even coordinated anything for a full large group before. Now I have chosen to coordinate an event for a few hundred people. There's also the upcoming BBQ on 9/1 for the college group. I have barely done any planning and its already a week away.

God I know you are there. Praise be to You. I know You have me in Your hands, even as I miss what is eternal right now.

I Want to Complain

Because I have never felt this tired thanks to school and other things in my life since I had been jobless.

I suppose I could be stacking on too many things in my life at once at an inconvenient time (last few weeks of the quarter). I feel incredibly stressed but at the same time annoyed because I know I can use my time more efficiently if I didn't let people dear to me take my time away from schoolwork.

I find turning down time with others very hard. I also find not having enough time to do projects and papers back to back in the same week very hard.

God, I know you hear me. I am tired, but I want to do Your work still. Give me strength, because we need it, especially now. Strength and confidence in remembering You, and that You have a will which we will understand in due time. We will understand in due time why such a division in our church is happening. We will understand in due time why I ended up being here for three years instead of two (because what progress You have made in the college group is staggering).

Yet I cannot simply move away from wanting to whine. From groaning. Maybe I'm groaning like in Romans, that's a good thought. However, this groaning is probably not the case.